Initial Impressions: Laser Time

Vid by EXPLOD - Classic VGM - Complete Soundtracks

Podcasts are one of the most recent media formats that’s swept the internet landscape. It’s also something that is mocked and called background noise for people who work or something that just fills the emptiness of a room. It’s kind of remarkable how podcasts can get any kind of major following since there are so many podcasts available today, mostly from famous people, which is why I want to put my spotlight on one of my personal favorite podcasts, Laser Time.

Better than bullet time!

What is Laser Time? 

Laser Time Network is the podcast network for former GamesRadar employees who have multiple podcasts about video games, wrestling, comic books and other forms of pop culture. Laser Time, the main podcast on their site, is hosted by Chris Antista, with his friends and co-hosts, Brett Elston, Mikel Reparaz, Tyler Wilde, Henry Gilbert, Michael Grimm, and Dave Rudden.

Each episode of Laser Time explores a different aspect of pop culture, going from adult jokes in kids’ cartoons to the worst accents in film, but taking an informally analytical approach to everything. What do I mean by that? Think about any conversation you’ve ever had with one of your friends about why a particular movie/book was worth seeing/reading and never saying “it’s good/bad”? Laser Time also acts like, what Chris Antista calls, “pop culture curators” and we get an in-depth look at the forgotten relics of pop culture AKA things that were relevant years ago. Examples of this include their episode about hotline numbers (immortalized by The Simpsons in Lisa the Greek), failed talk shows, and cartoons that were vanity vehicles for celebrities. The hosts’ rather informal approach to pop culture history make it easier to grasp and I’m amazed by how much random information I’ve been able to retain.

It’s the subtle differences that truly set Laser Time apart. Host Chris Antista does everything he can to entertain his friends (and in essence, the podcasting audience) and he actively uses humorous sound effects to capitalize or punctuate some of the jokes he makes but don’t worry, it’s nothing like an obnoxious radio morning zoo. Chris is also the main editor of Laser Time and he includes both an opening and closing segment in every episode. More amazingly, Chris includes the very faint hint of music playing in the background of every episode, just loud enough that it adds an interesting taste to their already riveting discussions. I can’t imagine how long it must take to do that for every episode, let alone on a weekly basis!

Laser Time’s consistent quality ultimately falls on one thing: the people. Laser Time is both one of the most vulgar and dark podcasts you’ll ever hear, and for me, that’s the type of humor I can cherish dearly. It’s evident in the opening minutes how close the hosts are to each other and that works effectively for establishing the back-and-forth dynamic that keeps their discussions interesting. People reviewing Laser Time on iTunes mention how the podcast is like listening to your best friends talk and that is what endeared me to the Laser Time crew in the end.

Laser Time has released 150+ episodes by this date and yet, I’ve listened to each episode twice and some episodes multiple times. When life becomes truly chaotic and the encouraging words from your friends and family just isn’t enough to brighten up your spirits, Laser Time has always been there to bring everything back to normality through the hosts’ own experiences and interpretations of the truly absurd journey of life. At once just a curiosity of the internet, now a permanent fixture of my daily routine, Laser Time is just the right amount of profanity and intellectual insight to make your day just a little bit brighter than usual.

Recommended episodes (in no particular order):

Simpsons Reference

Laser Time’s 100th episode! In this episode, the Laser Time crew argue about which season from the golden years of the Simpsons is the best.

The Perfect Score

Chris, Brett, Michael, and Henry talk about the state of video game journalism, specifically game reviews, after the impact of #GamerGate, then discuss and defend their picks of games they awarded 10s to when they worked at GamesRadar.

Wrestlin’ Buddies 

Without a doubt, an episode I’ve listened to at least a hundred times. The Laser Time crew talk about their favorite WWE wrestlers from the different eras of pro wrestling. This episode has such remarkable pacing to it that I would want to perform it as a live-stage version of it if I could. Even if you don’t like wrestling, this episode might convert you.

Worst Christmas Specials

Exactly what it says, Chris, who wrote for A Cartoon Christmas for 4 years, brings up the absolute worst X-mas specials ever made that range from the bizarre to the appallingly awful. A must if you’re a fan of obscure animation!  

Naughty Words, Nice People 

Did I mention that Laser Time is a vulgar program? This episode, however, explores instances of innocent/childhood characters and public personalities saying “naughty” things.

Shooting the Spam 

A hilarious episode from beginning to end, Brett names off some of the stranger spam accounts and messages he’s encountered from the spam filter of his website VGMpire.

Muppets vs Marvel vs Star Trek 

In the first segment, the Laser Time crew talk about the 2011 movie  then reminisce their childhood experiences with the Muppets. In the second segment, Brett quizzes Chris, Henry, and Tyler on which titles are either from Marvel comics or Star Trek episodes.

Shame Songs 

The Laser Time crew talk about songs that they are kind-of ashamed to admit they like. It contains one of the most hilarious reactions from Michael Grimm that I’ve ever heard.

Best Unaired TV Pilots

Chris names his list of the top 5 unaired comedy pilots while the hosts bring up an interesting perspective on the inner workings of television in the 90’s.

A Very Special Episode 

A legendary episode that exemplifies the best of Laser Time. Both an engaging look at a time capsule of television, the Very Special Episode, and a hilarious deconstruction of the Very Special Episode format, this episode will make you feel wonderful and guilty for laughing. Warning: gets very uncomfortable in the end.

BONUS: Centenniversary 

Props must be given to Chris Antista for editing together this 6 hour epic, celebrating the 100th episode of TalkRadar, his first podcast before Laser Time. This episode includes only the greatest hits TalkRadar reached up to that point. Like I said though, it’s 6-hrs. Break out the confetti and champagne! 

Laser Time is hosted on lasertimepodcast.com and on iTunes. New episodes are posted every Monday.

Initial Impressions: FEZ (2012)

Initial Impressions is not meant to be a review. Instead, it’s a structured stream-of-consciousness piece detailing my observances, complaints, and revelations after experiencing different forms of media.

Video by Howcast Gaming

FEZ is one of the most polarizing experiences I’ve ever had with a video game. At once, it’s an inventive puzzle-platformer but it’s also an excruciating experience.

FEZ stars Gomez, a little creature who lives in the 2nd dimension. One day, Gomez meets with one of his elders who awards him a fez that allows Gomez to rotate the 2D plane (by hitting the left or right trigger buttons if using XBOX controller) and to view the world from a different perspective of the 2D plane. The entire layout of the screen can change completely and platforms you couldn’t reach before are now within your grasp. Ultimately, you are tasked with locating little cubes that are hidden throughout every location or obtained after figuring out some mind-bendingly complicated puzzles. Collect 8 of ‘em and you form a bigger cube. Collect 32 of these cubes and you complete the main story. Collect the remaining 32 cubes and you complete the game.

The collection aspect can be really addictive. FEZ ingeniously places several cubes in one area and places them just out of reach and you do everything you can to grab each and every cube. There are many doors within a single section which leads to more doors and so on. You track your progress using the map and if you’ve completed an area, your space will become gold. You can spend hours and hours diving further and further into FEZ’s world, basking the comfortable, pixel-motif art style that can be compared with a visual living room, not meant to be too stimulating or flashy, just pleasant. The same can be said for the music, which isn’t as memorable as other games but isn’t meant to be. It’s another element that stabilizes and relaxes you, like classical music in a waiting room. Each world presents its own challenges and uses of the flipping-dimensions mechanic like platforms disappearing and reappearing depending on the lighting strikes in the background or using a bomb to reach a higher area but continuing to flip dimensions so that the blast can continue without interruption. Throughout the adventure, you notice how there are inaccessible areas like a lighthouse that’s just out of reach or how a rope ladder leads into the ocean and there’s the faint hint that there is more to explore than what can be currently. In my play-through, this is where FEZ lost me.

FEZ harkens back to the days of the NES when games were meant to be played until the cartridge burned out from exhaustion. The exploration is meant to engage players directly with the environment to uncover the secrets of the game. Sometimes, the secrets were rewarding like finding the warp whistle in Super Mario Bros. 3, and sometimes the secrets were necessary to completing the game. Wait, what?

Later in the game, you find a lost civilization of characters who look just like Gomez except that you can’t understand any of them. Each of them talk in a block language and because you don’t understand what they’re saying, you rummage through their homes, collect any cubes that you can, and move on. Except that…you can communicate with them. You just have to decipher their language.

Playing FEZ the first time, you would only be seeking out the cubes you can see since that’s what the game is telling you to do. Find the cubes, save the world. Simple. But after getting stuck in a certain section, I was baffled when people mentioned “how to decipher the FEZ language” as part of their walkthrough. This is evidence that players are capable of solving FEZ’s riddle but let me explain why this is a huge fault in FEZ’s gameplay. As I stated before, your mission is to collect cubes. You can take as much time to collect the cubes and even if you die, you respawn immediately so there’s no immediate pressure from the game. However, you mentally focus on just collecting cubes. So on the occasion that you walk into a room and walk out after not finding any cubes, would it ever occur to you that the secrets to deciphering FEZ’s language are on the walls of some of these rooms? The other problem is backtracking. FEZ occasionally has portals that can send you back to places you have already visited but it doesn’t simplify your overall task of going through every single room in order to decipher FEZ’s language. Once you have, you can finally go back to the rope ladder I mentioned earlier, enter in the button combinations indicated by the symbols on the wall, activate the water pump that lowers the water level, and finally continue your adventure. Then there’s the other 32 cubes which are simply not worth your time. If you thought deciphering FEZ’s language was a Herculean task, the puzzles in the post-game are too cryptic to complete. Sometimes, FEZ has vague hints in a room to complete each puzzle and sometimes it’s just randomness, for example, a bell puzzle where you have play the notes in a specific way that you only figure out after constant trial and error. You could spend anywhere from a few minutes to an hour trying to solve these puzzles.

FEZ is the definition of missed potential. A game with an intriguing premise of switching through dimensions that has to be boggled down by a contradicting premise of deciphering a language. In today’s world of digital downloads and annual releases, it seems very difficult to want to stick to a single game for that much time to satisfyingly uncover every necessary secret it has. FEZ, by that definition, accomplishes what it set out to do, to remind us of the era of old-school gaming, of making a simple premise unnecessarily complicated, ramping up the difficulty to prematurely extend game length, and having little to no reward or satisfaction for completing the game. You are capable of completing FEZ, but you will feel empty inside once you have.

Sources: FEZ, published by PolyTron; "Super Mario Bros. 3 Warp Whistles - All 3" YouTube video by EmeraldLantern2814; "Fez Playthrough Part 1 [No Commentary / HD / Xbox 360]" YouTube video by Howcast Gaming; wikipedia.org