The Fiftisixth One

Happy New Year everybo-...wait a minute. Oh. Uh...

It is now 2013 and many people have been wondering what intriguing developments this year will bring to all of the little children. Problem is that the little children probably won't be thinking about it that much. I always remember having a lot of difficulty remembering it was a new year when I wrote in my abnormally-sized kindergarten journal.
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I'd like to thank everybody who watched the first two episodes of Awkward Arley and didn't want to burn me at the stake shortly after. We will be working on more episodes in the next few months but it will be a challenge for the Awkward Arley crew to surpass the quality of those two episodes and a lot of pressure is on me to deliver something worth watching. At the same time, I've been working on two screenplays, two short stories, and the newly established Random Chatterings podcast. At the same time, same time, I've had to focus on my schoolwork more seriously than in previous years which explains why the past few months have been very lacking in terms of content. An unexpected development has been the amount of incredibly self-defacing jokes I've written that I've become very desperate in wanting to tell in the form of another standup routine. I've been researching/brainstorming various formats so that I could potentially share these jokes publicly whether it be an audio recording or a video to post on my channel.
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My winter vacation has been nothing much but video games, resting, and writing jokes that I can't tell a single soul without them burning me like they would have burned a witch in the Renaissance. All in all, it's been a pretty good vacation: I got to hang out with my family constantly (mostly my brother) and Santa bought me a bunch of amazing movies and video games for Christmas. The unfortunate thing about my living dominion or fortress of solitude is that i live with mein fuhrer (German for the leader). now dont get me wrong, I love my family but there is always that one person that you jsut dont want in your family but they still have to be there and you just have to put up with it. That my friends, companions, and strange people who are reading this because of pity, is my aunt. Now the thing that just annoys me is that she...is the MEANING of perfectionist; So, you can see how we dont really get along. My aunt is not one of those normal clean freaks, ohh no, clean freaks themselves would call her insane; she also has super hearing so if i open a bag of chips too loud, open, not close, OPEN a door too loudly or even breath too loudly, she will rain on you like god rained on the Egyptians, no wait..at least god apologized. She usually warns you that if you do "something wrong" again, she'll rip your head off. She talks to me and my brother when ever we do something wrong as if were retarded, like one time we finished eating and one of us forgot to put our chair back inside, we went to our room to go get away from it all in our paradox of wonders called "videogames".  She called BOTH of us and talked to us exactly like this: "hey, did you know that when your finished eating, most people push in their chairs" now, you can just imagin the thoughts going on in me and my brother's heads, like telling her to shut the fuck up or just hitting her with a chair (my brother is insane) . She talked to us like if we dont know what manners or politeness is; the only reason we cant argue with the creature of perfection, is because SHE IS GODLIKE! Everything she says is right, and the way she does it is right EVERYTHING ELSE IS WRONG! Anywho...mein fuher just runs the whole damn house. Now here is where i just want to slap her and my brother is thinking of more medieval objects to damage her head with (he told me a mace). when she leaves for work, I can clearly hear her in spanish "oh my poor dogs, I really dont want to leave you with them i'm so sorry my baby's hopefully you will still be alive when I come back". Yes aunt...yes we cant take care of two dogs, in fact, for breakfast i was going to feed them rat poison! a nutritious breakfast! The thing that most annoys me is that every once and while, her back hurts and she cant do a damn thing, so she bothers everyone less (my brother calls this the best days ever)  but, even when she is practically on crutches...SHE STILL CLEANS! It just pains me to see an aging woman in pain and just causing herself more pain, and not being able to help because she thinks im so destructive that i can burn down the house with a water gun. Still, Im glad i came to expirence new expirence, new ideas, and definintly, new video games, this has been a great time and im so sad to go and leave it all...but hey...there' still summer break right?
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Hey, get off the computer!!

Sorry about that. My little brother, Gary, took over for a bit while I was feeding the dogs rat poison. Which reminds me...I'd like to formally announce my brother's promotion as an admin to the blog! What this means is that he will also be posting things here from time to time. You can find him on Google+ with the name Shadow or under the blog section "The Information Survey".
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Every year, I wonder why I continue to maintain this blog with the frequency that I have been. I'll admit my only audience is the faithful Facebook group that checks up on my blog from time to time and even then, only half of the group ever goes to it; the other half, I feel like I'm just pestering them for my attention. If any of you do feel that way, please feel free to leave the group whenever you'd like. I won't be upset if you do. The only people who know what's been going on personally in my life are my closest friends, my fraternity brothers, and my family simply because I'm not and never have been very comfortable with sharing my life with the outside world, which would explain why the input on the blog has always strictly been previously written projects. Someone once told me that it is a challenge to write things since they become more and more personal the more time you devote to the project, so by that criteria, I have been very personal with the material I've posted thus far. As much as I've enjoyed working on this blog, I realize that at this point, the blog has become a major distraction from the more important things in life. My grades have suffered heavily from pointlessly building up "fantasy" projects that never have a solid foundation and I'm at the risk of getting academic probation. I can technically attribute this risk to laziness but I will admit this blog has also been a part of it. What this means is that I will be taking an indefinite break from the blog as I reassess what my reasons for being in college are. My lifelong dream is to tell stories that change/challenge people's lives but I haven't taken this goal seriously recently. This break will be a necessary refresher not only for the blog followers but also for me. I will post something else this weekend but it will be the last thing I post until I return from the break in May, when I return to the City of Smog once again. To the approximately 300 friends I have on Facebook, I'm sorry I haven't checked up on all of you. That doesn't mean I will be trying to, it just means I'm sorry that I haven't but as I've told my really good friend, saying sorry is my moral obligation for committing unspeakable atrocities (like telling someone how I feel about them). That kind of thinking can emotionally drain me. With all that's been said, I always keep asking what is the point of this blog? What is the point of investing months on a post that I'm never completely satisfied with? Have I been completely honest with my commitment to being a writer? I honestly don't think so. What will four months without the blog do for me? I have no idea. Maybe nothing. Nothing at all. What will it do for you all? Either way, I'd like to thank everyone for sticking around for as long as they have reading the inane ramblings of a complete lunatic on a weekly/monthly basis. Other than my own selfish pursuits, you guys have always been a reason to try to be as entertaining a writer as I've tried to be these past couple of years. I know my humor is really difficult to understand, fuck, at times, I have to remind myself why I thought a certain idea was so goddamn funny in the first place. I will occasionally update the Facebook group itself with pictures/videos and the Tumblr blog will always be there if you want to see images I feel are worthy of being reposted based on my (non-existent) criteria. I leave you all with a joke I wrote recently: I think it's really depressing to talk to other people because it reminds me of how much of a fucking liar I am. 

Thank you all for your time, attention, patience, and respect. I'll see you in May.

Your misguided moron,
Arley Rodriguez                                                                     

Awkward Arley [Ep. 2] - "Pandora's Prada Bag"

This episode has a bit of a long and storied history but I'll try to cut it short. Here I go...

During the editing of the pilot, we started brainstorming ideas for episodes that might be longer than 5 minutes and came up with an absurd plot of Arley saving a gangster's life but getting shot in the process. Many rewrites of the plot tried to keep the gangster plot intact but then we came up with Arley becoming a unexpected drug mule who carries a box filled with drugs around campus. Eventually, we got rid of the gangster sub-plot completely and focused solely on the box. After that, we had a lot of trouble trying to figure out how Arley would come across the box and eventually settled on what happens in the episode, simply for the comedic value. As always, I'm very surprised at the ability the cast contained and couldn't be more grateful for their input and contribution. Incidentally, we started filming two weeks after finishing the pilot but focused our efforts on the next episode until delays lead to this one getting top priority again. 

With all of that being said, I did promise you guys both episodes 2 and 3 much sooner and failed. For that, I'm sorry. 

Here is the final draft of the outline, along with a few tentative titles. The final episode is much different from the outline. Again, NSFW. This one's particularly awkward.

Episode 3: Not Another Godfather Parody!; Twisted Ties; Black Suited G-men (Tentative Titles)

Unrelated opening scene:
Arley holds a cue card with the title of the show on it and is squished between two tough looking guys in suits. Dudley Dickface floats by and slaps the card off Arley’s hands. He holds “Episode 3’s title” in front of the camera. Fade out.

Scene 1: While waiting at a greeny stop, Arley witnesses a guy being beaten by a mob (armed guys with butter knives). Arley intervenes and the mob scatters. grateful for having been saved, the guy entrusts Arley with a mysterious cardboard box, telling arley that he is the only one he can trust to protect the box until he returns. The guy then runs off, leaving arley alone at the greeny stop.

Scene 2- Back at Arley’s room, he opens the box and finds a hastily written note which describes the contents of the box, and what will happen if it is not returned to it is owner (or something). Arley contemplates calling the police but is afraid that if he does, he will be accused of being a drug dealer. Dudley busts in to room talking about national drug screening day tomorrow, and how many balls it sucks (or something). Arley panics.

Scene 3 (COMPLETE)- That night arley has a crazy/trippy nightmare:
→ Arley in room filled with boxes that contain random/terrifying objects
→ BW camera; arley shuffling down eerie hallway with cardboard box at the end
→ In dream, arley wakes up to go to the bathroom, voodo/gimp mask guy standing there and gives him another box

Scene 3: Montage of arley going through school day with box

Scene 4- At end of day, arley is so emotionally / mentally drained that he finally returns to the greenie stop and does a whole ‘why hath thou forsaken me’ bit. The the guy returns for the box and after thanking arley he opens up the box and HUFFS DAT SHIT then walks away without saying thanks.

-episode ends with arley watching, stunned
 
If you liked the video (or would rather go to any other place on the internet), join the RS(TBTT...E) group on Facebook,  follow Harold Howardson on Twitter,  check out the Tumblr page and dedicated YouTube channel.

Now What? - Departure

November 22, 2011...
In a few days, I will return to my native homeland: Inglewood, California, where I will frolic and dance with the inhabitants until the chocolate bunnies rise from the ground, only to realize they’re a few months earlier till Easter, and disappear without a trace. In reality, Wednesday will be a day of regaining the enthusiasm and imagination from the days of old, before every comment about seeing raining gumdrops would lead to a drug intake accusation. I haven’t seen my brother in almost three months, and as much as I’d like to see my parents and other family members as well, I’ve most been looking forward to seeing my dear, old companion again, my partner in crime. Although we do keep in close contact over instant messaging, it still feels great to be on the verge of seeing him face to face again. I did tell him that I would have homework (more accurately, long-term projects) that I have to work on over break, and if fall break taught me anything, it’s that unlimited amounts of free time can be a very tempting obstacle. I’m sure my parents won’t mind, after all, being a college student means picking and choosing your obligations. Yesterday, I said goodbye to a friend who was leaving on her trip back to California. Unexpectedly, afterwards, during class, my vision became blurred and colored with a patch of translucent green covering a third of my field of view. Later on, upstairs at the library, I was afflicted by a terrible headache that caused me to kneel down to the floor and rest my head on my winter jacket. I thought it was a migraine, but it was just a persisting headache. A trip to University Health Services took care of that. What worries me is what someone told me afterwards about headaches being caused by stress; in this case, regarding the friend who’s leaving, stress I knowingly caused. I just keep imagining how much more difficult it will be to control my emotions, and myself when it comes to unexpected moments like yesterday. I actually felt like I was about die during those horrendous headaches. My mom has headaches all the time by the numerous problems she has to put up with, and I can only hope that I won’t have the same problem later on. As always, I guess we’ll have to see, but not any time soon, I'm afraid.

NW? - Fixing the Flat                                  NW? - Pessimism and...