P106-The Car Accident(Rough Draft)

Harold gets into a car accident and is forced to walk down the 405 while trying to remember how the accident happened, trying to deliver an important package to the closed post office, and trying to deliver a gallon of milk for his wife.

This is something I've promised for a very long time, one of the few Presenter episodes that I thought had such potential that it would be worth writing about, but ultimately, like all of my ambitious ideas, it blew apart the minute I realized I wouldn't be up to the task of writing an entire episode, plus, the creative spark that lead to the episode's inception just hasn't returned in a versatile way. Despite those shortcomings, to satisfy the "audience" I have, I will post the incomplete first draft of the episode. Things to note: this draft only has half of the ideas from the original premise. Things that weren't included is a scene of 3-4 minutes of Harold talking to the milk as though it was his companion, similar to how I talk to myself in a state of paranoia when I'm alone for a period of time; another scene is where Harold is picked by a friendly stranger but kicked out when Harold decides to eat only a third of a candy bar; and even the original premise didn't have an ending. Admittedly, this premise borrows heavily from elements of Curb Your Enthusiasm, only exaggerated to levels even Larry David would never consider. The dialogue isn't as "fresh" as I remembered when I first tried to write this and may seem to be more disturbing than hilarious. Maybe I've become a harsh self-critic but recently, everything I've written hasn't been up to my standards, whatever those may be. Also, Season 3 will be posted very soon, but it will be the last season. I do love the premise of the Presenters, but I think it's time to move on. With that said, don't take this script very seriously as everything written is only for the sake of comedy, even if it's unfunny comedy. Thanks for reading and enjoy (if you do). Comments are always welcome. 

Things (in parenthesis) are alternatives to lines written. They also indicate actions the characters make. A (weird) running joke is that Harold's wife doesn't have a name. This issue is addressed with in a later episode.

(Amateur Version) A blank screen. Unlike previous episodes, it opens with the theme from Curb Your Enthusiasm. The song plays for several seconds until cutting to a flashing siren and a loud wail. We cut to tow officers discussing the wreckage. Another cut shows the 405 still active although there's a noticeable curve of red lights and a patch of red, blue, and white. Another cut shows a car that has been flipped upside down. The camera moves towards the front of the car and the vague representation of fingers curled around the wheel. At this point, the song abruptly stops; a close up reveals Harold, still grabbing tightly onto the wheel, eyes blank and staring straight ahead at the road or sky. He looks quickly to the left and the right and unbuckles his seat belt. His body drops onto the floor, and his head bounces off the surface. In a panic, he searches around his car, and sees a gallon of milk, still strapped in the back seat. He carefully unbuckles it and grabs once it drops. An outside shot shows the side door trembling until a foot pushes it out. Harold carefully crawls out of the car. Once out, he turns back and sees the wreckage just as a fire ignites from the underside.

Harold: Hmm...
Harold sees an officer making a call and walks up to him.
Harold: Scuse me.
Officer #1: Hm?
Harold: Are you busy?
Officer 1: A little. Wait just a second.

Harold waits and checks on the damage of the car. A weird feeling creeps in on Harold and he begins coughing and hacking up loudly. Off camera, he spits out his cell phone.

Officer 1: Sir, what seems to be the problem?
Harold: (cleaning up the spit with his sleeve) Uh, well, I was the person who just had an accident. I, uh, climbed out of my car. I might have damaged my internal organs!
Officer 1: Sir, calm down. You look fine. Please return to your vehicle.
Harold: Is that a joke?!
Officer 1: Yes. Terrible, isn’t it?
Harold: Where are the paramedics? I, I need to get checked out. Something might be out of place!
Officer 1: Straight ahead. And don’t scream in front of an officer. You could be seen as a threat. (walks away)
Harold: (raises his hand) Won’t do that again. Sorry. (under his breath) Asshole.

Harold turns again to see the damage on his vehicle. (He pulls his wallet out and whimpers upon realizing the amount it will be to repair his car, or at least to be sold to a foolish buyer). Harold sees the paramedics.

Harold: Uh, scuse me?
Paramedic 1: What’s the problem, sir?
Harold: well, I just got into an accident and I was wondering if I might have any broken bones, or anything in that criteria.
Paramedic 2: What criteria?
Harold: Well, you know, the physical damage to the body. Look, can you just check me?
Paramedic 1: (shrugging at Paramedic 2) You look fine. Most people probably couldn’t walk up to us if their bones were broken. You did, so…
Harold: Walking is nothing! I might’ve gotten a temporary dose of adrenaline. My stomach might’ve been pierced. My small intestine twisted up! Please, just a quick checkup!
Paramedic 2: Sir!! You’re fine! Now, please, we have to see if everyone else is okay.
Harold: And who could that be?! I have the only upside down car right now!
Paramedic 1: Sir!
Harold: All right. God! (walks away)

Harold feels a rumble in his pants. He checks his phone. A close-up shows 6 missed calls from the Editor.

Harold: Oh, shit. (pushes send) ...helloooo?
The Editor: Harold, what the fuck happened to you? When I call a person, I expect him to fucking answer!
Harold: I know, I know. I’m sorry. I…I just got into an accident and-
The Editor: Harold, (don’t start flinging this shit in my direction). You’re supposed to be the reliable one.
Harold: I know.
The Editor: For God’s sake, I have to constantly hear this hullabaloo from those idiots you call friends and suddenly I get the same fucking routine from you?
Harold: Sir, it’s not a routine. I was driving down the 405 in a hurry, I black out for a second, and suddenly I’m upside down-
The Editor: Harold, you’re full of shit. Listen, I need you to do something for me.
Harold: What is it?
The Editor: There’s a really important package that you need to pick up from the post office.
Harold: Uh, I think it’s-
The Editor: I’ll text you the address. Now hurry. And next time, I will call you only once. If you don’t respond, you’ll be kicked out of my responsible list. Understood?
Harold: Yes, but-
The Editor: See you tomorrow. (hangs up)
Harold: How am I going to get there? (closes his phone) Damn it.

Harold holds his phone tightly and remembers the gallon of milk. He goes back to the car and picks it up. He begins walking away from the wreckage and towards the edge of the freeway when a huge explosion stops him. He turns back and sees his car smoldering and burning.

Harold: Course.

Harold walks away from the worse wreckage and walks into the darkness.

Harold shakes the gallon of milk to make sure it doesn't have any punctures or holes. Harold feels his phone vibrating and answers it.

Harold: Hello?
Wife: Hi, honey!
Harold: Oh, hi, (), how are you?
Wife: Fine, fine. Just been working on my (stuff). It's taking me a goddamn hour to complete it. How are you?
Harold: Uhhh...don't get worried. I'm fine...I kinda got into an accident-
Wife: WHAT?! Oh my god, are you okay?!
Harold: Yeah, I'm fine, I'm fine, I only have a few scratches. 'Cording to the paramedics, I'm perfectly fine if I can take a few steps forward.
Wife: Oh, that's a relief! Did you get the milk?
Harold:  What?
Wife: The milk?
Harold:  Oh, the milk. Yes, it was...my second passenger. In fact, it was the first thing I thought about after I got flipped upside down that the milk was still intact.
Wife: I'm sorry, but you know how important the milk is for the cake. It's a specific brand that's very popular-
Harold:  I know, I know. I'm sorry, honey. Didn't mean to overreact on you.
Wife: It's okay. You have the milk, right?
Harold:  Honey, I'm cradling it in my arms as we speak.
(Wife: Good. Do you want me to pick you up?
Harold: You could...uh, it's gonna be a little tricky, though.
Wife: You can just stay at the edge of the highway and wait for me to pick you up.
Harold: I know, but...there's a lot of rapists in dark places. (You might not want to pick me up when you arrive.)
Wife: Harold, don't be silly. No one's sane enough(going) to rape you.
Harold:  How do you know?!
Wife: Harold.
Harold:  Sorry, sorry.
Wife: Where exactly are you?
Harold: You know that giant hotel that's right at the crossroads of the 405?
Wife: You know...I'm just gonna use the GPS. I'll be over there pretty soon.
Harold:  All right, see you later, then.
Wife: Bye. Don't get raped.)

She hangs up.

Harold: I'll try not to. Harold: Hmm...
.......................
If you want to see a visual interpretation of this scene, go here.

The Twentieighth One

The advent of the past year concludes with the customary New Year's Eve post, where we reflect on the choices and events of the past year...and my blog is no exception. It's only been up for a few months, but already it seems that the blog is taking on an unusual direction as far as content goes. Originally, the blog was meant to only be a public anthology of my writing, but I've also posted updates on my first semester in college, as well as trying to create continuous segments such as "The Presenters" and "Ideas That Will Never Happen". The blog has been very challenging to update and maintenance, but it has also been such a pleasure writing up each post(unless, as this post shows, it becomes painful to write about anything) as I've been able to see the development of my writing as the year progressed. The next year will bring about other challenges...
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With the impending end of 2011 comes the impending start of the numerous blog posts that "reflect" on the events of the past year. I will continue the tradition with my own customary post.

2011, like it or not, was a terrible year for your fellow blogger. Many challenges and experiences have threatened to ...yada, yada, yada.
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2012 is almost upon us, as well as 2013, 2014, and the impending invasion of Bigfoot and his many siblings.
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Things to look forward to in 2012: Hopefully, by February or March, my short film, Semaphore, will be completed and I'll post the screenplay. In other news, a pet project I've been working on since 11th grade will finally have its proper debut(Here's a hint as to what's coming). Sides that, I'm not sure what my blog will have. At this point, the blog is shifting from a showcase of my old projects to a showcase of...well, anything that comes to mind. I know from reading other blogs that most of them have a central theme that the blog revolves around, and admittedly, even if my blog claims to be about "simple words from a complicated man-child", even it has a central theme: my imagination and how overrated it's becoming to me. When I talk to friends and colleagues about their interests and intelligence, I always tell everyone that my creative thoughts are what differentiate me from everyone else, but as the first semester of college has shown, realistically how far can that take me? Course, other people say that one semester of college cannot define what you'll become, and for others, not even the first year will do that, so again, I'm at a loss at what I'm supposed to believe or think. Nowadays, any outside thought influences more than my own...or so I think. Course, sometimes, even the outside influences can be more damaging than helpful. How complicated does the world have to become that a simple post about reflection wraps itself around endlessly as I've allowed to be? AGH! Seriously, what did I just type? Can anyone explain it to me? Let's try again.
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This year has taught me that writing things is really f*cking hard, and yes, I will censor it this one time since even the f-word doesn't completely envelope the countless struggles I've suffered in writing essays and blog posts, and as this post continues to show, even a blog post about reflection and revision demonstrates just how much more I will have to go through before I feel comfortable with saying hello and goodbye. Happy New Year and much luck in your...damn it.
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Merry Christmas and happy...wait, hold on...
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Another year has come and gone, as all of them tend to do. I'd like to say that for those have been following the blog that I greatly appreciate your support and will try to be more active with the blog in the following year. Also, it's been somewhat unusual seeing the difference between my older posts and newer ones and noticing how even with simpler ideas that slowly but surely I am progressing as a writer. With 2012 coming very, very soon, I'd just like to say that the blog will improve in the following months, and hopefully, I will become more coherent and understandable, and less of an annoying man-child as I currently still am. One of the biggest changes to the blog is the inclusion of more personal, update posts, much like these, as occasionally, the numerous complications of college and life demand those kinds of spontaneous posts. Rest assured, there is still a lot more of my past works left to be posted, and I will start working on the episode descriptions of the Presenters if the shorter ones don't completely explain the intent of the episode. I'll admit that whatever difficulty the blog has given me, it's been completely worth it in trying to have my voice "properly" represented in the middle of a seemingly brilliant universe. One thing I will try to do is highlight other people's projects so that they will also have an opportunity to bloom within this cynical spectrum of internet users. As my patient readers, if anything is going to happen, I'll be sure to tell you all about it.
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Sorry for the spontaneous rambling in the beginning.
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I hope you have all have a wonderful New Year's Eve, a fantastic New Year's Day, and a great year. With the amount of complications the world keeps presenting, a positive outlook could only help us further.
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Stay safe. Give hugs. Be nice, be kind, be good.

Your confused, yet enlightened friend,
Arley Harold

Summer=Chicken Plate

During 10th grade, hidden far away from the critics of the world, I made my first recording about ‘my’ sitcom, The Presenters, with a story about how Harold was having difficulty relating to his son, Hal. He tries to remedy this by mentioning all of the girls in Hal’s life, expecting some kind of reaction. It became an obsession of mine and every single Monday, I would go back to my hiding space, located at the edge of the school, and let my ideas flutter away in the form of an awkward teenager’s constant ramblings. I’ve only told five people about the recordings, and probably won’t let others know about it since my voice is an acquired taste. Shortly after making the story recordings, I embarked on a journey even I wasn’t sure I wanted to take: to explain the machinations, the fascinations, and the folly of my mind. How the great essayists of our time could take the same journey and survive still impresses me. For 22 episodes, I became the question and the answer to all random thoughts. It’s something I’d like to share with everyone in a different way. Seriously, you can’t listen to a person’s terrible accents for twenty minutes even if you tried. Summer will be over soon and I couldn’t think of a better way to commemorate this upcoming event than with the transcript of when I pontificated on the meaning of summer. It was a year ago, summer had just began, and an 11th grade-going-into-12th grade boy sat quietly in his room, waiting for his thoughts to arrange themselves correctly...

...This is the special summer edition. (taps on the window three times) Thought the window was open. This is the special summer edition, where I’m going to talk about how excellent it is now summer. But, I’m not sure what else can come out. If anything. I know that it has been a few weeks since the last one* but that’s just because I’ve been occupied with my own, um, with my own...purposes. Bu, not purposes. I’ve been occupied  with my own, um...I’ve been...busy. Simple enough. Okay, well, to start with...it’s summer. The temperature is going to get warmer,  people are going to get...warmer, uh(nervous laugh), it’s just that time, it’s a transition from...let’s say a tight-packed piece of meat to something that’s been cooked for a couple of minutes and is going to get ready to be served. Somewhere in the, uh, nice, fancy restaurant. Summer is the time where we’re sitting on that plate, in that nice, fancy restaurant, contemplating all the mistakes we have made but not caring because we are about to get eaten. I think that’s the best way I, we can describe summer. At least, one of the non-poetic ways that I’ve come up with.

Now this makes more sense.

P101-The Goddamn Pilot

We are introduced to Harold and his family as a chance occurrence at Harold's job causes Harold to get the opportunity of a lifetime.

The first episode of a series has to be good enough for a network to pick it up, and I would consider this first episode as a misstep, much like South Park’s first episode. The title already shows a series that is trying too hard to be original, and finds itself in a difficult place.

THE OPENING: The screen turns on and the HBO logo is buzzing with TV snow. A slow hum plays as "Original Programming" appears under HBO. The screen goes black. The Presenters' logo lights up all of a sudden, cued by the theme song, the big band theme from Woody Allen's Sleeper. Some of the letters turn off/flicker on and off as the theme song plays for a few seconds. The logo is made up of carnival lights, similar to the logo for Boardwalk Empire. 

The episode begins with a bird’s eye view of the Howardson’s home, a lovely scene to begin until a bird suddenly explodes due to the sun’s rays. The camera pans towards one of the windows which is a black square and only a faint glow from an alarm clock. We see Harold’s room in pitch black until the light turns on revealing Harold exercising with an anesthetic arm(for some reason). His son Hal knocks on the door and tells him breakfast is starting. We are introduced to the whole family at the breakfast table, as they talk about current events such as Hal’s upcoming science fair and Harold’s usual rant about how terrible his job is. Harold realizes he’s late for work and rushes over to his car, jumping over the cooked bird from earlier and nearly running over a person as he backs up from the curb. Commercial break. We cut to the office building where we see many people busy at work on their computers, and then to Harold. He is an accountant at a successful business. We see his desk which is littered with sketches and drawings of sorts, mostly of a character from his childhood, and see the back of a picture frame. The camera turns to see the picture which is an autographed picture of John Lasseter instead of a family portrait. Harold talks with a dissatisfied customer and stumbles on certain words. “I’m sorry that happ- happened, but-but’ (away from the phone) godfucking damn it! (on the phone) ‘but there isn’t much I can do about it.” His frustration leads to him slamming the phone towards the wall. He hides his face shamefully until an old man sits on the opposite side and asks for his help. The man turns out to be The Editor, a famous animation director who created his own studio ten years ago but has yet to create a successful film. The Editor sees Harold’s drawings and is instantly impressed. He asks Harold for an interview to which Harold agrees to. The episode ends with a shot of Harold at his new desk at Flowers United and a picture of the family, albeit an embarrassing one he was supposed to have ripped up.

Altogether, it’s not a terrible episode as an introduction, although I recall the original conversation at the table as confusing and filled with shit jokes. Also, the meeting with Harold and the Editor seems very unlikely to happen so easily and may need either a different place or with Harold already working at Flowers United. Also, the opening is too strange and has to be changed. As a pilot, it’s clear that writing one is difficult and I can’t imagine the amount of people today who are trying to get a pilot picked up by a network. This may have influenced my decision to avoid that section of the entertainment industry as it will be stressful and self-destructive. My art teacher has recommended trying to make a graphic novel eventually which I will most likely try. Despite what I’ve said of the pilot, it is a good introduction to the characters and maybe if I have time, I’ll try to write it again.