The advent of the past year concludes with the customary New Year's Eve post, where we reflect on the choices and events of the past year...and my blog is no exception. It's only been up for a few months, but already it seems that the blog is taking on an unusual direction as far as content goes. Originally, the blog was meant to only be a public anthology of my writing, but I've also posted updates on my first semester in college, as well as trying to create continuous segments such as "The Presenters" and "Ideas That Will Never Happen". The blog has been very challenging to update and maintenance, but it has also been such a pleasure writing up each post(unless, as this post shows, it becomes painful to write about anything) as I've been able to see the development of my writing as the year progressed. The next year will bring about other challenges...
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With the impending end of 2011 comes the impending start of the numerous blog posts that "reflect" on the events of the past year. I will continue the tradition with my own customary post.
2011, like it or not, was a terrible year for your fellow blogger. Many challenges and experiences have threatened to ...yada, yada, yada.
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2012 is almost upon us, as well as 2013, 2014, and the impending invasion of Bigfoot and his many siblings.
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Things to look forward to in 2012: Hopefully, by February or March, my short film, Semaphore, will be completed and I'll post the screenplay. In other news, a pet project I've been working on since 11th grade will finally have its proper debut(Here's a hint as to what's coming). Sides that, I'm not sure what my blog will have. At this point, the blog is shifting from a showcase of my old projects to a showcase of...well, anything that comes to mind. I know from reading other blogs that most of them have a central theme that the blog revolves around, and admittedly, even if my blog claims to be about "simple words from a complicated man-child", even it has a central theme: my imagination and how overrated it's becoming to me. When I talk to friends and colleagues about their interests and intelligence, I always tell everyone that my creative thoughts are what differentiate me from everyone else, but as the first semester of college has shown, realistically how far can that take me? Course, other people say that one semester of college cannot define what you'll become, and for others, not even the first year will do that, so again, I'm at a loss at what I'm supposed to believe or think. Nowadays, any outside thought influences more than my own...or so I think. Course, sometimes, even the outside influences can be more damaging than helpful. How complicated does the world have to become that a simple post about reflection wraps itself around endlessly as I've allowed to be? AGH! Seriously, what did I just type? Can anyone explain it to me? Let's try again.
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This year has taught me that writing things is really f*cking hard, and yes, I will censor it this one time since even the f-word doesn't completely envelope the countless struggles I've suffered in writing essays and blog posts, and as this post continues to show, even a blog post about reflection and revision demonstrates just how much more I will have to go through before I feel comfortable with saying hello and goodbye. Happy New Year and much luck in your...damn it.
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Merry Christmas and happy...wait, hold on...
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Another year has come and gone, as all of them tend to do. I'd like to say that for those have been following the blog that I greatly appreciate your support and will try to be more active with the blog in the following year. Also, it's been somewhat unusual seeing the difference between my older posts and newer ones and noticing how even with simpler ideas that slowly but surely I am progressing as a writer. With 2012 coming very, very soon, I'd just like to say that the blog will improve in the following months, and hopefully, I will become more coherent and understandable, and less of an annoying man-child as I currently still am. One of the biggest changes to the blog is the inclusion of more personal, update posts, much like these, as occasionally, the numerous complications of college and life demand those kinds of spontaneous posts. Rest assured, there is still a lot more of my past works left to be posted, and I will start working on the episode descriptions of the Presenters if the shorter ones don't completely explain the intent of the episode. I'll admit that whatever difficulty the blog has given me, it's been completely worth it in trying to have my voice "properly" represented in the middle of a seemingly brilliant universe. One thing I will try to do is highlight other people's projects so that they will also have an opportunity to bloom within this cynical spectrum of internet users. As my patient readers, if anything is going to happen, I'll be sure to tell you all about it.
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Sorry for the spontaneous rambling in the beginning.
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I hope you have all have a wonderful New Year's Eve, a fantastic New Year's Day, and a great year. With the amount of complications the world keeps presenting, a positive outlook could only help us further.
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Stay safe. Give hugs. Be nice, be kind, be good.
Your confused, yet enlightened friend,
Arley Harold
Showing posts with label Aspergers. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Aspergers. Show all posts
Sunday, January 1, 2012
Sunday, November 6, 2011
The Twentithird One
Ladies and gentleman of the jury, I may or may not be losing my fucking mind right now. At this point, I have no evidence to confirm either diagnosis, but I'm pretty sure I'm losing it. My back aches right now, the pain is mostly around the right shoulder blade, due to the amount of crap I lugged around yesterday for some goddamn reason. And I'm swearing a lot, another thing to check-mark. Why is this relevant, ladies and gentleman? Where's the connection with losing my mind and having back pain? As it turns out, I have also been shaking uncontrollably for the past hour and a half. Now this may have something to do with the window being open, but most likely, my thoughts have been racing incredibly fast, and my body has to compensate for it. As each thought makes its way across my body, I can feel each thought blazing right through.
I apologize in advance for this post. As you can tell, it's more disorganized than my posts usually are. I've had several conversations with some close friends and each of them, whether they were a sophomore, or a senior in college, convinced me that my life in college was only an illusion, and that I'm only taking on a separate personality. It's fair to say that, if you're someone who studies more often than you sleep, and if all of your classes are terrible and complete wastes of time, but for some reason, I never thought of college this way. I've enjoyed the 2 months I've spent in college so far, and yes, they have been a difficult two months, but at no expense to myself as a human being. Maybe I was wrong. When I realize the things I've had to give up in order to turn in a certain assignment in on time, it's really depressing. Most of the time I spend on weekdays is in my room or at the library studying. Is that a fair reason to complain about not having a life? I think my real problem is that I'm gullible, superficially gullible. I've never considered the negative aspects of a person, and when I hear them for the first time, it's always a shock. Why? It's true. So-and-so instead of being this, is actually this. We all have the skeletons in our closet about disturbing things that wouldn't be acceptable in polite society. I'm afraid of having sex. Deathly afraid. Why? I've been having an identity crisis for quite some time, between my adult self, the crazy, swearing, cynical 18 year old, and my past self, the crazy, sweet, intelligent 10 year old, and when I think of myself in a bedroom with someone, I'll hesitate because of the 10 year old self. It's the same reason I'm always shaving, and trying to stop swearing. It's just so damn confusing. One more thing, it took me years to break my habit of not saying "so", since I thought saying "so" would make me sound stupider; well, I don't have to sound like a brilliant person every day, especially when formulating the thoughts precisely enough to make sense of it is complicated and frustrating enough as it is.
Is there any reason to be complaining right now? Is my life, at this point in time, better than it has been before? Of course it is, and yet, there's still something wrong. I woke up this morning, thinking about someone's request of no longer asking invasive questions, and I don't know what to do about it. I've asked a lot of unusual questions before, but how can anyone react politely with that kind or request? You'll only be spurred into asking more "invasive" questions, such as "What kind of questions wouldn't be invasive?" Frankly, I feel terrible that I made them feel this way, and I imagine they've felt this way for a long time, and finally had the courage to ask that question. Should I feel insulted by the fact that they asked it? Personally, I've always asked questions like that, so being asked not to do that is an attack to my personality. Maybe I'm reacting childishly about it; I'll admit I had a tantrum just a few minutes ago, and yesterday when I was at the park. Maybe the reason I'm asking all of these questions is only because of their request. If asking invasive questions isn't an appropriate way to develop a friendship, then what is, and if it's supposed to be really obvious, why can't I understand that?
Life can be complicated, sometimes. All the time.
I apologize in advance for this post. As you can tell, it's more disorganized than my posts usually are. I've had several conversations with some close friends and each of them, whether they were a sophomore, or a senior in college, convinced me that my life in college was only an illusion, and that I'm only taking on a separate personality. It's fair to say that, if you're someone who studies more often than you sleep, and if all of your classes are terrible and complete wastes of time, but for some reason, I never thought of college this way. I've enjoyed the 2 months I've spent in college so far, and yes, they have been a difficult two months, but at no expense to myself as a human being. Maybe I was wrong. When I realize the things I've had to give up in order to turn in a certain assignment in on time, it's really depressing. Most of the time I spend on weekdays is in my room or at the library studying. Is that a fair reason to complain about not having a life? I think my real problem is that I'm gullible, superficially gullible. I've never considered the negative aspects of a person, and when I hear them for the first time, it's always a shock. Why? It's true. So-and-so instead of being this, is actually this. We all have the skeletons in our closet about disturbing things that wouldn't be acceptable in polite society. I'm afraid of having sex. Deathly afraid. Why? I've been having an identity crisis for quite some time, between my adult self, the crazy, swearing, cynical 18 year old, and my past self, the crazy, sweet, intelligent 10 year old, and when I think of myself in a bedroom with someone, I'll hesitate because of the 10 year old self. It's the same reason I'm always shaving, and trying to stop swearing. It's just so damn confusing. One more thing, it took me years to break my habit of not saying "so", since I thought saying "so" would make me sound stupider; well, I don't have to sound like a brilliant person every day, especially when formulating the thoughts precisely enough to make sense of it is complicated and frustrating enough as it is.
Is there any reason to be complaining right now? Is my life, at this point in time, better than it has been before? Of course it is, and yet, there's still something wrong. I woke up this morning, thinking about someone's request of no longer asking invasive questions, and I don't know what to do about it. I've asked a lot of unusual questions before, but how can anyone react politely with that kind or request? You'll only be spurred into asking more "invasive" questions, such as "What kind of questions wouldn't be invasive?" Frankly, I feel terrible that I made them feel this way, and I imagine they've felt this way for a long time, and finally had the courage to ask that question. Should I feel insulted by the fact that they asked it? Personally, I've always asked questions like that, so being asked not to do that is an attack to my personality. Maybe I'm reacting childishly about it; I'll admit I had a tantrum just a few minutes ago, and yesterday when I was at the park. Maybe the reason I'm asking all of these questions is only because of their request. If asking invasive questions isn't an appropriate way to develop a friendship, then what is, and if it's supposed to be really obvious, why can't I understand that?
Life can be complicated, sometimes. All the time.
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