Ideas That Will NEVER Happen: Vol. Cuatro

What's this? Another project from 7th grade that went unfulfilled? Almost. Let's start from the beginning...

The Idea: A long time ago, when making drawings brought out encouragement from my parents, rather than shameful silence, I began work on my first and only graphic novel that I've ever completed: Sonic the Hedgehog vs The Dark Emerald: An epic adventure in 4 parts! The comic follows the adventures of a blue, anthropomorphic hedgehog as he is, once again, forced to stop everything he's doing to destroy Dr. Robotnik's latest creation, a gigantic(and lazily drawn) Mecha Sonic with rectangular eyes and noses. An epic 10 page battle rages on until Sonic single-handedly annihilates the machine with his spin jump. Ready to chase after Dr. Robotnik, Sonic uses the seven chaos emeralds to transform into Super Sonic. The emeralds merge into Sonic's body, only be expelled out of it, launching Sonic a few feet away. The emeralds merge into a large emerald that becomes darker and darker. Dr. Robotnik, in his floating mobile, chuckles endlessly at his diabolical plot of "pretending" to lose only for Sonic to use the emeralds haphazardly. Keep in mind that I (and probably many other dedicated fans) came up with this idea long before Sonic Unleashed. The dark emerald communicates(through some unusual way) to Sonic that it plans to obliterate itself from within the core of the earth, cause a powerful energy surge that will spread across the entire planet and cause hundreds of years of darkness. Of course that's what it'll do. After laughing hysterically and spitting at Sonic's face, the emerald flies off and Sonic runs after it. An elaborate chase sequence involving lasers, clouds, and planes occurs and a direct hit at the emerald causes it to shrink. The emerald flies off to the nearest volcano while Sonic and a horrifically drawn Tails head off to Tails' laboratory to design an unfashionable shrinking suit that's impervious to lava. A few pages later, Sonic chases after the emerald again, all the way to the deepest part of the ocean where, after a young blogger decided that drawing the lava suit was simply too much trouble, decided Sonic can proceed in his adventure able to breathe underwater. Another dramatic battle goes on that leaves Sonic bruised up until he remembers the six chaos emeralds, still in his possession somehow, begin glowing and fire a rainbow-colored laser at the dark emerald, that just arrived at the core of the earth(if this doesn't make sense, blame my 10 year old self for learning about the 42 presidents instead of the layers of the earth). The dark emerald's power diminishes dramatically(seems to be a trend 'round here) until it self-destructs, launching Sonic out of the ocean and onto an island. Sonic, in a few panels, recovers and smiles triumphantly towards the sky, thumbs sticking out, hubris assured. If only my love of nonsensical plots continued to this day, I'd have finally finished my goddamn screenplay.

Why this will never happen: The story, to my ten year old self, is as convoluted yet endlessly entertaining as any summer blockbuster but even for a property like Sonic the Hedgehog, the only places a plot involving a floating, talking dark chaos emerald would be suitable is in fan-fiction or the comic book series. It's been really great trying to recreate this story from the original drawings that are, unfortunately, long gone, but it does show how quickly ideas can flow when they have a chance to be revised in anyway, and although the overall plot doesn't make sense, at least the transitions from one scenario to another make sense. Having said that, this relic from an ancient time will remain that way since, due to college, cynicism, and some bouts of depression, making a story like this would involve a ridiculous amount of time I simply don't have right now. Oh right, the other reasons. Um...SEGA already has a stable of ideas/plot-lines for Sonic's next video games but even they won't try to write a plot as farfetched as a dark emerald...but if they do, I was the one who called it.

Ideas That Will NEVER Happen: Vol.III !!!

Take a look, if you'd like, at a past life of mine: Making comic strips. This was my second pet project in 7th grade. Over the course of the year, I made 120 strips, 23 of which I ended up posting. This was a time that I realized that becoming a success on the internet would be far more difficult than I ever could've imagined. I was a temperamental guy back then, so a day with little or no hits would devastate me, enough that I gave up on posting more comics until September of 2008 when I planned to reboot the comic strip only to give up again after a small reaction from the new comic. Looking back, these comics were terrible and ill-inspired and yet, I did notice an amount of progress in the comics, as the creative process became more intuitive, certain choices were made for the comics to look more presentable, and even the immature humor became much better. Unfortunately, outside obligations(such as school and...) forced me to abandon the comic strips for good.
And now for the matter at hand, what these comic strips have to do with an impossible idea:

An R-rated feature-lengthed film based on the "popular" webcomic. Movie poster advertisements all over would feature Sonic, Shadow, and Kirby hidden in the darkness with a tagling saying, "The Darkest Comedy Ever." The jokes, profanity, and gratuitious content are at unspeakable levels of filth. The plot of the movie is that an alien is creating duplicates of popular characters that have better personalities than the originals. Sonic, Shadow, and Kirby team up to destroy all of the clones before it's too late, and insult Kirby's weight the whole way through. This is the ending: After the amount of chaos that has happened in the past 90 minutes, the movie cuts to this strip. The audience gets a chance to read it until the camera starts pulling away from the computer screen on which the strip is displayed on. People notice that it's a low-tech computer that may've run Windows XP at some point. The camera pulls away further, revealing an abandoned room that has one computer still running. Going back further, the camera moves out of the house, through the doorway, and reveals an enitre city completely devoid of life. The camera stops moving back as soon as it's able to see the entire skyline and begins fading out as soon as one of the buildings collapses.

Why this will never happen: like it or not, my comic strip is probably really similar to other video games comic strips that have self-referencing characters and violence, and each of them have the same low chances as mine to get noticed by a movie studio. Also, the movie tries to throw as much inappropriate content as it can in the 90 minute runtime with a goal of breaking the Guiness World Record for the amount of profanity in an animated movie(currently held by South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut) which, one, is an incredibly short-sighted goal, and two, would sacrifice the quality of the story to make lots and lots of terrible jokes. Also, it just wouldn't suitable for an adorable character like Kirby to be in a movie this raunchy, and the guys at Nintendo would probably agree. Although this movie and comic strip was insane as it was, I look forward to making a new comic in the near future, if and only if I have the time and patience to do so.