Now What? - I Shouldnt've (Insert Stupidity Here)

September 27, 2011...
I’m screwed. Theoretically, I am. After taking two hours off work(I mean, school) to plot out every single assignment I will turn in the next few months, I can conclude that I am totally screwed. Like a nut and a bolt. Boy, those $19,000 in tuition suddenly seems less valuable right now. I would pay a million to turn in each assignment but with no pesky due dates. Work at my own pace, you know. Great idea, right? Absolutely not. That could be the single worst idea I’ve theoretically come upon. 100 years to turn in something I could’ve done in 2 months? No, that’s just continual torture and how fitting would it be to eventually succumb to procrastination as both a bad habit and a cause of death. I will thank college right now, because I know I will be cursing it continuously, for giving me the privilege to complete so...much...work. Now, my brain is thinking consistently on getting the work completed, trying to make space for fun, and other things I could do with my time like...sleeping. Thank you college for allowing me to think for myself and realize the only cushion for a bad situation is my own body. Now if I can just be just as assertive towards laundry... In a few days, I have to turn a Spanish paper that I should’ve started on weeks ago. Nowadays, I’ve found the phrase “I should’ve (blank)” to be an excruciating reminder of my constant mistakes, whether large or small. Examples: accidentally spilled a sand structure as I left a teacher’s office (I should’ve been more careful), going outside of my dorm to find a pleasant place to study with one unfortunate detail forgotten regarding temperature(I should’ve brought my sweater), or just missing a frisbee(I should’ve stopped watching that bee). To be fair, these constant reminders do help, but in a nagging way. For all three examples, of course doing the right would’ve been better than the obviously wrong, but even for small incidents, repeating it to myself distracts and frustrates me constantly, enough that it might derail my progress and make me regret another thing (I should’ve told myself to shut up.) A small problem, but one I will have to deal with since it’s college (I should’ve drank from the cup I ordered instead of the red one.) No progress yet on the project for IgniteTV yet. I have to send a copy of it to everyone so that we can talk about on Wednesday’s meeting. Even for its simplicity, it’s a very ambitious project that may or may not interest the board(or IgniteTV members). I got to talk to my best friend from my old neighborhood. It might’ve been just a few texts back and forth but I was glad to hear from him again since we couldn’t hang out for one last time in the summer. He’s a good guy, probably the best guy I’ve ever known, a little eccentric here and there, but that’s why I love him. I really hope he’s doing well. It’s his senior year. I hope to be able to attend his graduation. I hope he gets to graduation. Yeah. I hope all of my friends get to take those immortal steps up the stands and reach out for a document that decreases in wealth but exponentially increases in value. A moment of absolute triumph that can only be captured once. No offense to the college graduation but that event is just a more exaggerated celebration with more people, more everything, really. The high school graduation is a truly intimate moment of victory. Will I ever reach my college graduation? As I’ve promised before, we’ll just have to see.

NW? - Phonograph                                             NW? - This Room...